It’s the little things

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Angie Brown

My life lately has been very busy mixed with a little chaos, emotions, craziness, and fun. Although some of the days I can barely make it through desperate to complete one project my heart is still and I am at peace.

I have not always been able to say that. Most of time if I am honest here I am a complete mess and I still am. I am just able to handles things differently and focus on what is truly important and that will get me through the day. If you asked me what that that truly important thing is in my life, my answer would be Jesus.

For life is truly joyful when God is first. God is my perfect security. I have lots of to do lists so I don’t forget deadlines, appointments, etc. The reality is these lists never end. Something will always be added to list and so on. I will rely on Jesus to sort my list. What is important to him? What is glorifying him?

So as I focus on Jesus first he always turns my directions to the little things. My children’s giggles that are endless. The conversations my husband and I can have in our marriage for God’s purpose. The friendships that he has surrounded me with. The sun shining so bright that it’s just amazing. The music that moves my soul. The smile on a stranger’s face that is so heartfelt and contagious.

All the little things that are far more in important and when I focus on him and the little things my list will seem much easier.

God is our peace and happiness. www.crosswounds.com

Love,

Numbers

Posted on April 30, 2013 by Angie Brown

Danielle from over at Sometimes Sweet did the funnest post on numbers and I thought it would be neat to join.

4: The number of times I had to put my children back to bed last night, Yawn…

1: The number of times it takes to hopefully make an impact in someone’s life for God’s glory.

5: The number of times I have had to ask my children to stop fighting over the littlest things since we have been home today.

3: The number of inches my roots probably are.

2: The number of days until I the these three inch roots covered.Yeah for Hair Day!

9: The number of days since my last post. I am challenging myself for May. I love blogging and I have been so busy but want to reconnect with myself.

33: The age I will be seven days.

4 1/2: The number of months until I attend Women of Faith with a fabulous group of girls!

300 +: The number of giggles I heard this weekend from all the playing and tickling.

COUNTLESS: The times I am thankful for everything God has blessed me with. My husband, my children, my family, my friends, and so much more!

Love,

Don’t let go

Posted on April 21, 2013 by Angie Brown

When I lost my sweet baby seven years ago I was completely lost in this world. I didn’t know which way to turn, who to talk to, how to smile, sometimes even just breathe. But over time, faith, and lots of hope, I was able to live again. To slowly adjust to my new world, my new thinking, my new fears and worries, my new heartache.

During that the devastating time in my life, I spent a lot of hours researching stillbirth, loss of baby, grieving, and how to cope. I would confide in a few friends but over time it started to fade. The days were farther in between when people would ask how are you. I totally understood and didn’t hold bitterness. They were lost for words and hurt too.

I decided to organize a 5K run/walk honoring our daughter’s journey and raise awareness in our community and support those who have lost as well. It was an amazing experience none the less. To selflessly support those families, to heal in my loss, to honor my daughter, to feel connected with her, and most importantly to honor God.

It absolutely breaks my heart to hear of a mother and father who lose a baby. It stings my heart because I know exactly how they feel. I wish I could take away their pain. I had lots of support through the years and I even had some that hurt a little.

I have a lot on my heart to share but honestly the one that surfaces is to the mother who has lost a baby and wants to honor her child. Don’t let go.

Don’t let go of the memories you hold.

Don’t let go of the baby blankets, the clothing, the pictures, the stuffed animals, whatever you have, don’t let go.

Don’t let go of raising awareness in your communities and sharing about your precious child.

Don’t forget that your husband is hurting too and grieves differently.

Don’t forget to celebrate whatever you want to about your baby.

Don’t let anyone tell you to get over it and let go.

Don’t dwell on the loss of you baby in a negative way. Do have hope, recognize those new rays of sunshine that pierce through the pain, and be thankful.

It does take time and everyone’s time is different. Don’t compare your grief with others.

Do have grace for those around you who want you to let go and don’t understand.

I always relate my grief and joy in this order because Joy does come in the morning. I have let go of the pain and cries of to have her back. I have fixed my eyes on the Lord and his promise knowing one day I will see her again. I am so very blessed. I would want nothing more than to have my family of five here but my joy is in the Lord for he has done good works and he has made my glad.

Every difficult circumstance in your life is something God will use for your good and His glory. He has great blessings in store for you. Trust Him and don’t give up! “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. “ Jeremiah 29:11

Love,

She will not fall

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Angie Brown

Do you ever feel like your day can’t get any worse? Do you feel like you could just pull your hair and scream and jump up and down out of frustration? Do you ever feel like why me?

I do.

I feel like this daily. Moments that creep in when you least expect it and you want to just hide and get away from the world. Moments I feel I just can’t deal with anymore. Moments that stretch me so thin.

I have been like that for months. Stretched to thin. Mostly I choose to do this. I want to help in any way I can, forgetting that I already have a full plate. Moments of stress and difficulties.

Moments that I quickly forget to trust God and I steadily start to get so busy I lose focus on the truth. For a second it is a blur, but then I am gently reminded of who I was before. Holding on to things too tightly. Overwhelmed with fears, stress, and anxieties.

Comments here and there, whispers of his loves, reminds me to re-focus and not let others {Satan} bring me down. He is good at providing those people at the just right time. Cheering me on to fail. That’s what he wants. But not our loving God.

He wants me trust him. When I am moved away from my comfort zones and world starts to spin out of my control, God is there holding tight, showing me the growth opportunity I can so quickly miss.

Our God, who loves us so much, wants us to glorify him through our trust, our failures, our growth, all for his Kingdom.

I have accepted several challenges the last six months that are completely out of my comfort zone. Ways that God is growing me for his purpose. Ways to better me as a person, a mom, a wife, a friend. Ways for me to trust him deeper and know that no matter what this world brings she will not fall.

God is within me, I will not fall.

Love,

Ten Things

Posted on April 6, 2013 by Angie Brown

I love learning random things about a person. What they like. What they don’t like. Foods. Books. Summer. Winter. I love reading blogs and I have seen a few lately sharing five or ten things about them. So tonight I will share mine with you. I hope you learn something new about me.

1. I love the way sand feels on my feet. Probably why the beach is my favorite place. If I could live anywhere it would be the beach.

2. I love avocados. I can eat them daily with lime and chips.

3. I struggle with being insecure.

4. If I could do anything in the world I would sing worship music and be a speaker.

5. I am messy organized.

6. Schedules and busyness overwhelm me just as much as several people talking around me at the same time.

7. I absolutely love being a mom. I am not perfect and I have stressful days but I love waking each day to them, tight hugs, sweet kisses, and if it were a perfect world, my first child would be here with us, soaking it all in.

8. I was born a redhead.

9. I wrinkle my forehead when I am thinking about something, trying to decide, etc. I promise I am not looking at you with a disgusted and angry face. I

10. I love anything that smells like cake and coconut!

Alright lovelies! There you have it. Ten random things about me! What are yours?

Living Beauty

Posted on April 4, 2013 by Angie Brown

Life is about living. I make an effort to do that every single day. Stop and enjoy the quiet times when I have them. Read a story to my kids with their minds so curious to what is on the next page. Simple family days to lay next to each other and just talk or have “tickle you up moments”.

I like to see the beauty in every moment. Capturing the rays of sunshine that gently brush their cheeks. Pushing them on the swings so their feet can go above their heads while they hold on tight.

Beauty in every moment. When my children want to help dust and I check in and I see my charges on my dining table full of water. Yes even those moments. I am not perfect and I do lose my patience and sometimes forget the beauty in the moments.

Life isn’t complete with out a few bumps along the road. We will encounter them daily sometimes hourly, especially in motherhood. But enjoy the ride with the ones you love and love everyone around you.

You have no idea what the bumps may be for the person or family member next you. A tragedy, a loss, loneliness, depression, addictions, hatred, anger, so much going in our lives. Why not see the beauty in life and love. Slow down a minute and just capture those rays to make you shine in someone’s life.

Be blessing. Be the beauty. Be love.

Running on Fullness

Posted on April 2, 2013 by Angie Brown

Generally I do not like to be super busy. I can get easily overwhelmed when I am pulled in several directions. When I get easily overwhelmed I lose patience, sleep, don’t eat as healthy, and I am a little cranky. OK, a lot!

This has definitely been an area I have struggled with and God has given me lots of grace and so has my husband! However, over the years, especially the last two, I have been really working on this flaw of mine. Flaw of crankiness and not saying no. I let go of lots of projects and focused on being a mom, a wife, a preschool teacher, and student of God. I am intentional about my bible studies so I can be in the word consistently and for me time.

The last few months though, the busyness and fullness has come back. All the demands of being a mom, housework, working, volunteer duties, and more have started to take over again after I have taken on a few projects that I was not planning to do. However, this time I knew it was God. He was showing me I can do this without pulling my hair out and screaming at my husband. I can be a mom and teach their little hearts and minds while making 500 copies for school. I can keep a somewhat organized home while constantly being on the go to school, work, t-ball, PTO, and oh yeah groceries. {{this girl has to eat or that is even more crankiness!!}} He showed me I can do this for one reason.

His timing. His strength. I have grown.

Busyness gets in the way of our relationships. It messes with our connectedness to our family, friends, and most important God. Busyness makes us lose focus on the things we care most about. So in the midst of your busyness, thank God for the little things. Be intentional with your relationships.

So my dear friends, I am so sorry if I have neglected you, taken a week to respond to a text, missed play dates, and just sadly have not been intentional. I have been overwhelmed and well God is teaching me a little more again. Sometimes the busyness and quietness all at once is to grab our attention for teachable moments.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

The most important lesson I am learning during this fullness.

No one is “too busy” in this world, it’s all about the priorities.

Love,

Through The Eyes of the Mrs Sponsor Giveaway

Posted on March 23, 2013 by Angie Brown

Hello there lovelies. Today sponsors and supporters of Through the Eyes of the Mrs. have a treat for you! The opportunity to win a pair of Hunter Boots valued up to $135.00. The best part is if you win you get to pick the style and color. Enter below through Rafflecopter! Lots of luck to each of you.

Please Note that you should be a follower of Through the Eyes of the Mrs.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If that’s what it takes to praise you

Posted on March 22, 2013 by Angie Brown

This last month has been a downpour of busyness and not to mention over a week of severe sickness for my family. Each and every one of us. At first I was getting a little irritated and was even starting write Dear sickness notes on my facebook that I was totally over you. Because I was. We were missing school, I was missing work, I was getting even farther behind on “stuff”.

Gently though, God nudged my heart to be thankful for the sickness. Thankful that I was able to take care of these two beautiful children in the messy times. They needed me. Thankful I had a warm bed to sleep in and a kitchen full of food since I couldn’t go to the store. Thankful for the time I was at home and not have to be away. Thankful for my washing machine to wash all the clothes and bedding. I needed my home. I needed the rest. I needed the time to just capture the radiance and beauty of being sick so I could be replenished and my soul filled.

It’s hard these days juggling our schedules, work loads, volunteer, bible study, church, housework. teaching my children, and everything else that comes with life. It gets so full sometimes I lose focus. I lose sight of the purpose. To bring God glory through my life.

My most sincere prayer to God is to always praise him in what I do. Over time in my life that God has pierced my heart and pruned my soul, he has never left my side. He has walked with me through it all. I truly love life. I am the girl who believes in the sun even when it’s not shining. I haven’t always been that kind of girl though but it’s always been there deep in soul. There was a dark time in my life through anger and bitterness that I was not a very nice person. I am not proud to say that but God believed in me.

The more anger and bitterness I carried the more darkness overshadowed the sunlight. Until one day I felt this tug at my heart that wooed me like no other. Wanting to rescue me and show me a meaningful life even after all the trials, the pain, the heartache, my failures, my past. The Lord loved me. All the trials that I have encountered has deepened my love for God, not because I survived, but because he has survived even bigger trials.

He lost his life to save mine.

I do believe in the sun even when it’s not shining. The Lord is my Joy and I will praise him even in the rain. If that’s what it takes to praise you.

I will never forget driving one day driving in the car thinking about the times I had suffered and who I am today. Bring the Rain by Mercy Me came on and it was exactly what my prayer was to God. To glorify God with my life. To the God I praise with happy times I will also praise him in my suffering.

Bring the Rain: (MercyMe)
I can count a million times
People asking me, how I
Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through?
The question just amazes me.
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You?

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord,
My only shelter from the storm.
But instead I draw closer through these times.
So I pray,

Bring me joy, bring me peace.
Bring the chance to be free.
Bring me anything that brings You glory.
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You,
Jesus, bring the rain.

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain. You who made a way for me, suffering
Your destiny. So tell me whats a little rain?
[1st Chorus]

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God almighty,
Is the Lord God Almighty,
I’m forever singing
[2nd Chorus 2x]

Everybody singing Holy, holy, holy,
You are holy
You are holy [2nd Chorus 2x]

Love,

Moments in Time {7th Heavenly Birthday}

Posted on March 16, 2013 by Angie Brown

Have you ever been in a moment of your life where you had no hope? Life had completely changed in an instant and you were left helpless, heartbroken, and didn’t think any good could come out of the situation.

Seven years ago today I was in that exact moment, my husband and I were left overwhelmed with heavy hearts and completely lost. We were pregnant with our first sweet baby and overall had a healthy pregnancy. The time had come, I was 39 weeks and 1 day into my pregnancy and late that night my water broke. Of course my husband was at work and we worked it out and made to our hospital just as planned.

However, our moment had changed in an instant and our lives were forever changed. I was in labor and ready to deliver my baby but when we arrived at the hospital they could not find her heartbeat. There was a lot going on and quickly I was moved to a room filled with nurses and doctors. Unfortunately it was too late and there was nothing they could do except say to me, “I’m so sorry.” It was shift change so the doctor who had to break the news to me left and the new doctor came in to deliver two hours later.

There was no hope of her being born a healthy baby. I was left to endure my labor pains just as any mom delivering her baby. Only my outcome would not be full of joyous tears but grief-stricken and unbelievable pain. When my sweet little was girl was finally born early that morning the doctor asked if I wanted to hold her. I couldn’t believe how precious and perfect she was. I was finally meeting the baby who cuddled inside me and I got to see on the sonogram pictures for months. She was a perfect gift from God. A perfect gift I wasn’t able to keep I had to immediately give back to the Lord.

Although my husband and I were faithful to the Lord we did question him. Why us? Why could we not take our baby girl we had planned for home to her precious nursery that was decorated? Why could I not have experience all of firsts with this child? Why do I have to leave this hospital empty-handed and plan her funeral?

At the time in the darkest moments I have ever faced God always reminded me of one scripture. “Be Still and Know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

Through the years of this journey to her 7th birthday, God has been with me. He has walked with through every hard night, the very first glimpse of hope I felt, every guilty moment, every time I cried out why and begging to have her back. Every moment he was held me through it all and has been faithful. He has placed people in my life who have experienced loss and we walked together through the journey of grief. He has shown me a love that I have never experienced through this grief. He has blessed me with two precious babies after her to love and cherish the moments with alongside the memory of their sister. He has changed my outlook on life and lit a fire inside me to love others and have heartbreaking mercy for others. He has filled me with hope and joy.

Payton, today we would have celebrated your 7th birthday today. I know you would be running around with all of us acting crazy and dancing in the living room. Your beautiful auburn hair all over the place like your sister’s and mine. We would have had a party celebrating you! But no party here I could give you could compare to the party God is giving you.You are with the creator of the Heavens and the Earth doing his mighty work. I have been told that you are my angel who watches down on me. Maybe so but I can’t find scripture that backs that up so I believe that you have more important things to take care of waiting in Heaven for us. I love you.

The love in my heart for you Payton moves my soul. For all three of my children. Today is her day just as they have their day. Happy 7th Birthday! You will be celebrated with a balloon release as we always do and a little prayer. There is always sunshine on your day and I am so thankful for that. Payton, you have changed my life and I am so thankful to be your mom. You had a purpose on this Earth just as we all do but even a more important one in Heaven that God needed you sooner. With grief comes lots of mixed emotions but you are a ray of sunshine in my hope and joy that I cherish through it all to come.

He will heal what has been wounded and restore my broken soul. He will bring me peace not because I have handled this on my own and figured it all out, but because of Christ.

Love,

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