When I first accepted Christ in my life I was a young girl in a marriage that was crumbling before me. I had just turned 21 years old and was married but felt completely alone and lost. My heart longed for something I couldn’t even describe. My heart was pulled far from my marriage with an aching desire to be loved. Truly loved. A love that my husband could not give. A love I was not sure existed.
God tugged at my heart and my ears in many ways. He crossed my path with Christian billboards everywhere I went. Whispered words of FORGIVENESS and LOVE often in my soul. He placed people in my life for his purpose. A purpose I had no idea existed. A purpose from a God I didn’t know and to be honest I wasn’t sure I could believe in.
You see I was broken. I was lost. I had a past that I was running from and I wanted to forget. Pretend it never existed. People hurt me. Relationships failed. I was desperate for a fairytale to come my way and sweep me off my feet secretly wanting all my hurts to be healed. I thought that happened when and I got married. My fairytale ended quickly. My hurts were even more painful. I was still broken.
God pursued this poor girl. Soft whispers again of FORGIVENESS and LOVE and MERCY. I wasn’t quite sure but I was intrigued by this lovely voice I kept hearing. It was such a calming and peaceful feeling that consumed me. God knew my aching heart and that I wouldn’t trust easy. He knew he had to use a stranger for me to listen too. Someone I could be fake with for a moment but pierce my heart with his word. I was at home sulking in my own pity party but feeling like today was a new day. I was a mess but a little piece of HOPE embedded its way in my heart. My doorbell rang. I opened the door to these two men standing on my porch holding their bibles. For the first time in my life my heart was captivated by two strangers, but they weren’t strangers to God. I was looking for an escape and the only way was with God.
They talked with me and prayed with me. PRAYED with me. I didn’t know what prayer really was until that day. The day I gave it all to GOD . The day he had mercy and grace waiting on my porch. The day I fell in love and God whispered I love you. I love you. I love you. You are worth it.
The day God began that transformation, I knew I was precious. We are all precious in God’s eyes. It took several years to hear those words from God and to forgive myself for all I have done. JESUS paid for my sins with his blood so isn’t he worth it to give my heart too.
For several years I looked for love in friends, relationships, material things, jobs, even a young marriage that ended in divorce. But God is a forgiving and loving God and he wants nothing more than for you to seek him and desire him. Now when I am faced with trials and hardships I have a God waiting for me to seek his face and not this world.
I belong to Christ. With him I am complete. I am alive. I am free.
As I grow in my faith, my spiritual walk, mother, daughter, wife, and friend. God humbles me each day with this verse.
Some days I stumble and fail as a mother, wife, and friend but most important I no longer fail who I seek. Who I come to each day to fill my soul and spirit. I am no longer seeking a love that the closest to person to me in this world could realistically fulfill only what God can.
I pray if you are unhappy or feeling lost you will seek the face of God. I pray that if you are feeling like something is missing in your marriage you will take your husband off the pedestal because he is not your King. Two years ago I did that to my husband and it wasn’t fair to him. He is a person and sinner like me. He loves me the best way he knows how. But only God is our everlasting King who will fulfill us unconditionally.
When God showed me I was basically setting my husband up for failure because he is not perfect it changed my marriage. It changed me. It strengthened my relationship with God. His love endures forever and he showed me I was worth it.
God can heal your deepest wounds, strengthen you when you are weak, love you with everything he has, transform you, and provide you with all you need. Give thanks to the God of Heavens for his love endures forever.