The little square boxed on my calendar are almost completely filled for the rest of this year. My days are filled with the never-ending piles of laundry, dishes, sweeping of crumbs, and meals to make. The days go by and the list get longer.
I strive to get these to do lists done, meals made, bath time, bedtime, story time, and prayers. Most days I really only get the basics and necessities taken care of like the meals, school, brushing teeth, story and bedtime, I have to catch up later on the other stuff.
I have asked God many times, even during those mundane exhausting hours of rocking crying babies to sleep with colic, cleaning up after my child has been sick, or sweeping Cheerios for the 100th time, I have asked. God, what are my gifts? What is my purpose? At those moments I am thinking of a career, what am I good at, what can I accomplish.
Motherhood is hard. It can take every ounce of our strength and leave us exhausted asking ourselves are we good enough. Motherhood is not glamorous. I have been tempted in these times of motherhood that have stretched me to wonder what else I am good at. What are my gifts?
I searched at church, I prayed, I dreamed, and I would do my duty as a mother and then focus on what gifts I have and how I could use them. I remember last year I was struggling with role as a mother and wife to my husband. I struggled with not being a good mother, failing my children, disappointing my husband. It was tough and Satan was standing on the sideline waiting for me to trip over my own feet in my self-pity.
One day I was breaking up another fight between my four and five-year old about who could sing first, say their alphabet first, or watch their show first. I had enough. I was exhausted emotionally and physically due to other circumstances my little ones would not understand. I wanted to lose it but nudged my heart to just kneel down on their level and look them in their eyes and say I love you and hug them so tight. He gently convicted my heart of my family.
He knows my heart and my thoughts. He created it. He knows I want to serve him. So he told me to serve my family. Serve my family? I already do that. I clean the house, laundry, bedtime, chauffeur to doctors and playdates. Serve my family? He said to me you have many gifts. Compassion, Mercy, Crafty, Cook, Story reader, and many more so use those gifts to serve your family. Read to your children like you’re in the story. Cook for your family with love and appreciation to nourish your bodies, have compassion for your children when they are cranky and over stimulated and don’t understand how they are feeling, have mercy and give grace to serve your family for the Lord. You are a mom first. God made me to love and have mercy, to cook, and even write this blog but he made me a mom first. Be a mom to your children and teach them with the amazing opportunity God has given me.
“If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:5)
God has given me a calling as a mom to teach my children to love and be like Jesus in this fallen world. God has called me to be a mom, and I will do the very best I can even on the most exhausting days, God will strengthen me because he called me to.