Change Me

I haven’t always been good with prayers. I have never been comfortable praying out loud unless it is with my children. I am even uncomfortable praying out loud with my husband. I am not uncomfortable praying with God though and sometimes that is all I can do to make it through a day.

Lately I have found myself praying a lot for patience and wisdom with my children. Praying that I would do good works for them to teach them obedience, respect, character, and one of the most important ones to me Kindness and Love. Kindness and love for others and themselves. Praying that they make good choices but when a poor choice is made they seek forgiveness. Praying that they seek and know the Lord. Lots of prayers to add to the list.

I have also found myself over the years praying to change my heart so I can be a better mom and wife. It struck me though one day recently. Instead of praying to be a better mom or wife I needed to be praying to be a more Godly mom and wife. The difference for me was the motive of my heart. Did I want to be a better mom or wife because I wanted to conflict to go away, the schedules and organization to be less chaotic, or the time with my husband to be more available for our marriage? While I was praying to be better I wasn’t see a whole lot of change. The mornings were even more chaotic and my husband and I just didn’t seem to have it together.

So I changed my prayer. God change me. Change my heart and my motives. I want all of this for you not me. I want to improve my relationships with my children, my husband, even friends. Praying for change isn’t always easy though. When we ask God to dig deeper in us and chisel away the things that we need to be free of to make room for his plans it can be painful. God is with me every step of the way.

I will have to let go of some of my comforts, let go of some more pride, let go of lots of things that I seem to hide and bury inside pretending they aren’t there. It can tough, scary, incredibly uncomfortable but absolutely worth it.

I will  not be chiseled away to perfection but I will be chiseled away to love more, show more kindness, forgive others, and change my heart.

I know I have a long ways to go and I have shared before the things I struggle with. My prayers are consistent and I know things will be revealed that I thought were long gone. When they surface and I instantly want to get defensive and pretend it wasn’t there, God gently reminds me that I am revealing who I really am who he desires.

We are all people. We all have things hidden deep inside that hurt, hold us back, make us believe we are not good enough, and more. Not only does God know these things but so does Satan and he will do whatever it takes to keep those buried deep down as he can. He will wreck you. He will try his best to destroy you. Keep praying and be obedient to God. He only wants the best for you.

As I write this I am writing to myself but I hope and pray that this speaks to someone tonight. I pray that you are comfortable praying to God each day, night, or even hour to be chiseled away.I am chiseled each day and God has rescued me over and over. I cling to his love and grace for it sets me free each day more and more.

Break free of what holds us back from doing God’s work.

We have to change ourselves before we can change the world.