For You

I take my days here on this earth for granted a lot.

Just being able to hug and hold my two kiddos and teach them about life while playing with legos, driving to the park, reading books together, school work, sports, and the list goes on.

I take for granted my time as if I will be on this earth forever so I don’t say I love you enough, I’m not a good enough friend, I put off things for tomorrow instead of today, feeling completely secure in my earthly life.

But I think of you often. I miss you everyday. I share about you too but not because I’m constantly living in pain but rather you are remembered, loved, and it’s my normal. I’m so completely humbled when I get to share about you with a stranger. It puts me back 11 years ago in that very moment holding you the one and only time I would on this earth. Although the touch of your soft baby skin and the scent of your wavy auburn hair is forever etched in my soul, I am stronger because of you.

Love is more powerful than death. I would rather scream out loud with honesty full of raw emotions entangling grief and joy than to never whisper your name. I want to share my love and gratitude, my happiness and joy, my love for you just as the grief, tears, and heartache are part of my normal everyday too.

So when moments arise in my life I take for granted to speak of you because I am asked about my journey of motherhood. I cling to hope and the promise of being with you again for eternity. Until then you are my heart and soul that molds me into the mama I can only hope to be on this earth to your brother and sister. For you I strive to live more and love more.

For the mama I met yesterday please know you are loved and prayed for. To my daughter Payton, I love you.//

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