I am strong

I am strong because my water broke at 39 weeks and 6 days and when we arrived at the hospital our baby girl no longer had a heartbeat.

I am strong because after six hours of labor our 6 lb 13 oz stillborn baby girl, Payton, was delivered to my arms.

I am strong because I was able to treasure this time with our baby even though I was devastated that she was not alive.

I am strong because on March 20th, 2006, my husband and I buried our first child and said goodbye.

I am strong because 6 weeks later we found out we were expecting again.

I am strong because during our subsequent pregnancy, my new doctor found I had a blood clotting disorder, and needed blood thinner shots daily to increase my our odds of delivering a healthy baby.

I am strong because I endured those twice a day stomach injections for 40 weeks including postpartum.

I am strong because on January 30, 2007, I delivered via c-section a healthy 6 lb 13 oz. baby boy at 37 weeks.

I am strong because I had healing complications with my c-section it took 12 weeks for my incision to heal.

I am strong because 9 months later we found out we were expecting again.

I am strong because I endured daily stomach injections again for blood clotting disorder.

I am strong because after finding a cyst on our baby ‘s head at our sonogram, it dissolved with in two months, and she is was perfectly healthy.

I am strong because I delivered our healthy 6 lb 4 oz baby girl on June 19th, 2008.

I am strong because I had healing complications again with this c-section.

I am strong because I have survived losing a baby and the struggles that come along with baby loss and subsequent pregnancies.

I am strong because I have been able to cling to my faith and have hope in a hopeless time.

I am strong because God chose me for this journey and I am still standing and able to pray for other mamas who endure the same pain.

I am strong because I choose joy through it all, even though some days are harder than you imagine.

I am strong because child loss is an indescribable journey of survival and hope.

Thank you for letting me share my story. I saw another story a girl had shared of her journey of baby loss and why she is strong. A friend shared it with me and I have shared so much before of my own that I wanted to share this version too. Praying for all the mamas out there who have had to say those painful goodbyes. You are loved and not alone. You are strong.

You may be reading this and haven’t endured a loss like mine but you have endured some type of loss. Maybe you lost a friendship or a relationship. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe you lost hope or trust. Whatever it is tonight that you have gone through, you are strong.

My sweet Payton

My two precious rainbow babies (an older picture but I love it)