Lately it has been so crazy in my life. Like crazy busy schedules, volunteering, commitments, church, family, events, laundry, dishes, meals, and the list goes on. Last weekend a large group of ladies that we all know one way or another was able to attend the Women of Faith conference in Dallas again. Always rejuvenating and creates a spark. I was so tired from my week before and other details I had to work out for the weekend I literally packed 10 minutes or less before I had to leave. Needless to say with that short amount of packing and my typical oh no I forgot something personality….I forgot a thing or two. It happens but hey I made it to the conference!! Holla!!
We had an amazing time worshiping together and getting our musical spiritual lift me up on. Late bed time and early rise in the morning to get at it again….6 hours into it and 3 cups of coffee….I fell asleep at Women of Faith. Yes I did! Thank Goodness nobody got my picture. I felt my head slowly creeping onto a friend’s shoulder. Crazy! I know. But hey a girl needs some rest sometimes.
We had a fabulous time that left strings tugging at heart, convictions of some areas I need to improve, and a reminder to slow down, be still, and get some rest!
It’s the little things that can be the big things though! I am such a relational personal and I connect with my faith in so many ways through music. I needed that time to just praise him in the ways I know best with out interruptions and responsibilities.
Thank you to my hubby who took the kiddos to their cousins for the night and made sure I could be there. Thank you to my kiddos who were excellent for their daddy making sure he will do it again next year! hehe…..
But in the midst of all the busy schedules, chaos, and commitments I am reminded of where I am broken. The little broken pieces of my heart that still surface at times, my struggles as a wife and mothers, my sins, and all the other messy areas.
I have an anxious heart that worries.
I am insecure with myself and being around others at times.
I struggle with my anger and bitterness.
I get jealous sometimes of that girl who seems to have it all together rather the girl that makes a fool of herself quite often.
I struggle with feeling like i am not enough. Enough for my husband, my children, my friends, even God.
I am broken.
I pray to God each day to lift me up and work through me and in me. I pray that he will use where I am broken to shine his light through my insecurities and flaws. I pray that God will always show me his love and keep me going. I have hope.
Hope is the anchor for my soul.
I live on Hope. Hope when I am weary. Hope when I am discouraged. Hope when I want to give up. Hope when I feel all alone. Hope delivers me from my insecurities. Hope gives me courage and brings me Joy. Hope creates beautiful seasons that emerge from my soul. It breaks down the barriers that hold me back from God and his good works being done. Hope creates beauty from where I am broken. It takes all my little things that break me in this world and make them into the big things for God’s kingdom.
In the most deepest times I needed God, the deepest pain, deepest grief, I found Hope. It was during these times that God was able to work on his masterpiece he created in me. The beauty of his love captivating my broken heart. It was in him I found Hope.
We are all broken. We all have struggles that run so deep and we hide behind them pretending they aren’t there. We are all beautiful in the eyes of Christ just how he made us even with our brokenness. God will meet you there through it all.
God please chisel me. Break away the hard places I seem to get stuck in even after the years go by. Work on me and create the beauty you desire and deserve from me. Lord, although I fail, your grace remains and I praise you. I adore you. I need you to chisel me right where you need to for your glory. Not mine.