Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:9
Marriage is tough. Marriage is a blessing. Marriage is a gift from God.
My husband and I, seven years later have been through lows and highs, and I know we have more to come. I am confident in my marriage. I am confident in my husband and his role in our relationship. I am confident in my role as a wife.
Not through my eyes but the through the eye of Jesus.
When we lost our child six years ago I clung to God and my husband. I knew the statistics in marriages relating to divorce after the loss of a child. We survived that tragedy in our marriage.
Last year we experienced emotions, bitterness, anger, selfishness, and temptations to not be the best for each other in our marriage. I looked back at when we lost our daughter and this was harder. I was heartbroken that we survived that but we could barely get through the morning in the same house. It was a viscous cycle that needed to be broken. I had to fight for my marriage but I didn’t know how.
So I prayed. I prayed to God daily. Hourly.
Lord, please show me what I needed to do to fix our marriage. Please change my husband. Please just fix what was broken. God was silent. In the midst of this storm he was silent. I knew he was there but he needed me to be still to hear his silence.
I prayed for HOPE. I prayed for a change in me. Show me Lord, what was I doing wrong.
I remember clearly one of many nights I could not sleep. I was overwhelmed with bitterness and anger. Feelings only Satan was placing before me. Feelings that I was being tempted to let hang around too long. God kept nudging me to get out of the bed and go to my bookshelf. I had no idea what I was looking for. Little did I know he was taking me to a book I had found the summer before in the $1 bin “Completely His” by Shannon Etheridge.
I finally heard God’s silence he was whispering to my soul. I needed to take my husband off the pedestal and give him to GOD. God desired me to be completely his before my husband’s. He reminded me that my marriage was not designed for my husband and I but for him. Not for our glory but for God’s glory.
This did not happen over night. My marriage was not suddenly fixed. I still prayed. Each and every day.
God filled my heart with his desires for my marriage. He filled my heart with the desires to be a Godly wife
However, I was able to look at my marriage through God’s eyes. I was looking at my husband through the eyes of another. Through God’s eyes. Not mine.
A sinner. A christian. A child of God. My Husband who God had given me.
So each day I prayed for myself to love, honor, and cherish my husband unconditionally through God’s eyes. I prayed for God to forgive me of my anger and bitterness and free my heart and soul from these reckless feelings. I prayed for a Godly marriage through his eyes.
We have our days. We are not perfect people. Our marriage is not perfect. But we have God in our marriage. I had to intentionally claim the love for my husband to be in a Godly way not a selfish earthly way.
God changed me. Which changed my husband. Ultimately changed our marriage to glorify God.
If you are struggling in your marriage and feeling alone and bitter. Trust God. Place your anger and bitter heart before him. He already knows how you feel. But don’t take it back. Give it to him and pray for healing. Pray for forgiveness and forgive yourself and your husband. Become Completely His to be complete for your husband. You will still experience difficult days but God will always be with you and will never leave your marriage. You just have to be willing to fight and wait for the blessing to come.
I am so thankful God restored my marriage.
I love you. You are my everything. You are a man of honor and integrity but most of all you love God and your family. I pray for you and for our marriage. You complete me. God completes us. I love that you make me laugh until my stomach hurts. I love that you love my corky side and you think I am beautiful inside and out. I may be a mess but you make me feel like a beautiful mess.