Messy Moments in my Messy Marriage

I did it again. I raised my voice, blood pressure spiked, I was very close to throwing that toy, something, anything, I had in my hand, and to say some ugly words. I have thrown that something I had in my hand at my husband before. I will never forget the look he gave me. Even though I felt he deserved it and it felt good the instant relief to throw it, that quick feel good minute turned to guilt and then heartache.

Have you been there?

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If only my mess of a marriage could be fixed as quickly as that the oh so good feeling just for second that exploded out of me. Unfortunately the damage was done and it was harder to mend that quick second of emotions all blown up.

I am sure a lot you of have been there with marriages that are aching and longing for growth. We are selfish sinners married to one another trying to do our best in God’s word and in the background Satan is standing from the sidelines waiting for that messy moment.

sometimes during these storms I ask God do we really have to go through this again? He graciously reminds me that he loves me and my husband’s messy marriage. He doesn’t always love our behaviors and choices we make but he forgives us and wants us to learn and grow together. Even in the midst of the storm he loves us and wants to be included in our marriages. If we are acting like two selfish sinners are we really including Jesus in our marriage?

He sets the guidelines for us and gives us the tools we need to come to him and ask for help. Even if is the hardest of times and our marriage seems broken he is our source of help to mend our broken hearts. During a silly argument of who forgot what he is our source of help.

Prayer.

May marriage is certainly not perfect and has been broken, restored, broken, restored. Although we struggle and work on it daily I turn to Jesus. Sometimes it is after I throw a fit and I have to seek forgiveness, I turn to Jesus. Even when I feel hurt, lonely,or mad as fire, I turn to Jesus. I am certainly not saying that is easy but it is a choice that is possible.

Jesus loves me, my husband, and our marriage. He will not walk away from us so I choose not to walk away from him. I lift my marriage to him. I lift my brokeness, my selfishness, my pride and my husband to him. I know my weakness and I pray that God will strengthen those areas to be armored with patience, grace, kindness, and love.

Lord, Today I lift my marriage to you. I lift my husband who is also broken. A sinner who loves you and needs your strength and guidance. I pray that as husband and wife we will turn to you Lord during troubles and thank you Lord in every season. I pray that you will lead my husband as his role in our home, you will instruct him and teach him the way he should go,and he will love you with all his heart, soul, and mind. Lord, I pray that you will give me the desire to teach and model a godly lifestyle for him and his children. That I will be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. I pray that I will be his helpmate, companion, and the kind of woman he is proud to say is his wife. I pray that I will grow into a confident woman who is rich in mind, soul, and spirit. I lay all of my expectations at the cross and release my husband from the burden of fulfilling me in the areas I should look to you. Only you Lord can mend this messy marriage and I pray that we glorify you Lord with our marriage all the days to come. Oh Lord, I pray pray that I will stop fueling the fire and have that oh so quiet spirit you desire. Amen

Ephesians 4:26, 29-32, “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry … Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.