We all have things we struggle with. Let me be real tonight and share one of my deepest struggles. A struggle so deep that paralyzed me for years of life outside a small room. I
struggled struggle with fear and anxiety. Even as a child I naturally struggled with anxiety and fear and then it got worse when our family went through some very rough times.
I have allowed fear to control my life for years. All of this fear lead to anxiety which honestly tore me apart. I have experienced lots of sleepless nights and wasted a lot of time and energy on fear. Here are just a few of the fears I have struggled with all of my life.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of losing another child.
Fear of losing my husband.
Fear of not pleasing everyone around me.
Fear of drowning and fear of heights or falling.
Fear of not being enough.
Fear of my own insecurities.
Fear of speaking in a group setting.
Have I overcome all of these fears? No. Do I have control over my fears that rob my joy? Mostly. But if you want me to be real with you. I am human. I have days just like today and this last week. I struggle with some of the fears above and I feel like I just can’t do it anymore. It took me years to find my rest in him. My rest in Jesus. I have cried out many times that I sometimes want to share Savior, rescue me. And you know what. He always does. Even when the struggle is still there when I cry to him to be my rescuer he wipes my worry away. Even for a minute. To remind me of his peace. His undying love.
He reminds me he is here. Don’t give up. Let me fight for you. Let me fight Satan for you. When I let my fear and anxiety take over my life God’s mission is pushed aside and that is all Satan. So let Jesus fight for you.
Start living in Faith. Push fear aside. Stop letting fear control you.
I pray daily for strength and perseverance. I have to ask friends to pray for me when I am weak and I know I am under attack. I praise him. I praise him for all of his goodness. I praise him for the food that feeds my family, the clothes we have, my home, my car, every little thing. I praise him.
I even had to praise him in the storms. I can praise him when nothing goes right today. I can praise him for my family to be here with me even if they are unhappy. They are here. I can praise him for the growth that has happened through my journey of fear and anxiety. I can praise him for the courage it has taken to get me to where I am in my life. I can praise him through all the yucky bad parts that have pierced my soul.
I remember vividly one of my biggest fears during my first pregnancy was losing our baby. When we made it to 39 weeks and we were there to deliver her my biggest fear came true. She had died. I remember during those early years in my relationship God that I was angry, felt rejected, and even unloved. Experiencing one of my actual fears paralyzed me for months. But he kept telling me be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 was the first scripture I remembered in the bible. Fast forward through all the emotions with the healing and grief and I still live that verse. I am reminded quite often be still and know that I am God.
When I worry about protecting my children. Be still.
When I worry about all of my mom duties, long to do lists, lunches, homework, bible stories. Be still.
When I worry that I missed opportunities with my children. Be still.
When I worry that my husband and I don’t have the time for our marriage. Be still.
When I worry that I am not enough. Be still.
Psalm 46:10 Be Still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the Earth. I love how verse 11 goes on to say..The Lord Almighty is with us.
God is Love.
God is Peace.
God is Real.
and really Amazing.
Be still and allow God rest your anxious heart and wash away your fears with his love. Trust in him and walk with him not away from him. Be still and allow God to use me for his glory not mine.
We went to some local nature trails this past weekend and decided to walk a little ways in. My husband didn’t tell me they were actually trails. I was thinking sidewalks in the park and of course I wore my favorite summer shoe flip flops. Let’s be real for a moment. You just learned a lot of my fears but one I didn’t mention is I do not really like the outdoors like camping. So hiking a trail, any trail, is cutting it close for me. I like nature. Just not bugs. My daughter is the same way.
We got about half a mile in and my daughter has to potty. So momma and little miss head back down the trails to the car. I’m not gonna lie the sounds of the tree limbs blowing, little squirrels running through the woods looking for food, and water tails near by, wasn’t the sound of paradise to me. I was uncomfortable. My daughter then said I am scared and I want daddy. So I sucked it up. I said sweetie mommy is here and I know how to get back. ( I was praying that I didn’t get lost in these trails with her) She said no I want daddy. So I prayed with her. I reminded her that God was with us even that very moment and he would help us too be brave and strong. It calmed both of our fears and this is what we found on our way out.
You are GOD. You fight for us to make us brave. YOU fill our hearts with courage and love. You are with us through it all. Lord, I praise you for your goodness. I praise you that you never left me on my face where I have landed so many times. I praise you for filling me with your presence and goodness through all my messiness.
If you are dealing with some fears and anxieties of your own. I encourage you don’t give up. Rest in Jesus. You are not alone. He is near. Just find him in everything you do. Even in the leaves on a nature walk where I never expected.