When I met my husband in the laundromat eight years ago I knew I found love. I wasn’t looking for it at all. I was at a point in my life at 23 years old trying to discover who I was and live a passionate life. I was looking for a whole new life. Little did I know what God had intended.
We have had our ups and downs in marriage. We have experienced love, sadness, disappointments, life changes, and the hardest one of all grief and loss together. But we grew closer and when we conquered what seemed to be the tallest mountain to climb, eventually we were at the top. I read that fifty percent of marriages fail after the loss of a child. I just knew nothing could tear us apart.
I got comfortable. We got comfortable. We focused all of our attention on our two children God blessed us with after our loss. We started to lose the “we” in our marriage surviving parenting. I am sure like most marriages you get in a rut. When our rut started last year I still knew that we would survive. I knew this because I have faith in God and his love will prevail. And it does but will the love in my marriage prevail? Over time it seems we have unintentionally invited Satan in our marriage. He no longer had to sneak in he was living there comfortably. The nagging, the harsh words, the discouragement, the arguments, the silence, the questioning. Everything our marriage should not be. Please don’t misunderstand me. Marriage is not perfect when you have two sinners involved. However, we had somehow found ourselves in the middle of an imperfect marriage residing two sinners choosing not to forgive or forget. We started to focus on the bad instead of the good and wrapped up in false expectations.
What do we do now with this crazy little thing called love. We talk. We pray. We fight for our marriage. We choose to forgive. We choose to love. We choose to move on. We choose to let God be first in our marriage and we choose to evict Satan as quickly as we can. When it seemed impossible we chose to open our hearts, our hurts, our fears, be vulnerable, and trust each other.
This crazy little thing called love is not easy. Love is not allowing evil to continue. Love is opening the door to reconciliation. Romans 12: 18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
I have been praying to show me ways that I need to change. This was hard to do and still is. I know one of my biggest set backs is I am an emotional and passionate person but when I feel that I am being rejected I shut down and I get defensive. This has been especially hard in my marriage. This has led me to lack of self-control in the heat of an argument with my husband. By the end of it my emotions have taken me on a road that I didn’t want or need to be on. That is exactly how Satan moves.
Through my prayers, bible studies, devotions, and more to build myself, my husband, and my marriage up. I have come across this prayer written by Lysa Terkeurst. I love her books. I am reading her current book Unglued right now. Although I do not see my husband as an “enemy” Satan can easily work his way in our arguments and make it seem possible. I pray that if you are struggling with what I have shared that you will soak in this prayer and reflect on it.
“In this moment I’m choosing to be self-controlled and alert. Your actions are begging me to yell and lose control. But, I realize I have an enemy and that enemy is not you. The devil is prowling and roaring and looking to devour me through my own lack of control right now. But, I am God’s girl. That’s right. I am. So, I am going to humbly and quietly let God have his way in me right now. And when I do this, God will lift me up and my frayed hences up from this situation and fill me with a much better reaction than what I can give you right now. So, give me just a few minutes and then we can calmly talk about this. ” Lysa Terkeurst on Self Control
I must admit I am the one who does not talk calmly in my marriage. My husband is very calm and does not yell and I can rarely get a reaction out of him. So when I read this I am really speaking to myself about calming down because of my own actions.
Today I choose to focus on my husband’s strengths rather than his weaknesses. Today I choose to encourage my husband rather than criticize. Today I choose to learn more about my marriage through God’s eyes. God designed my marriage to be a loyal partnership, creating a firm foundation for our family, and to mirror the covenant relationship with Christ through my marriage.My marriage is bigger than the problems that arise.
Embrace the journey of this crazy little thing called love……